What does it mean to forgive?
The Quandary of Forgiveness
First, there is no quandary about God’s forgiveness to us. Pure and simple. As we repent and ask forgiveness, He will always forgive. Always! Always! Praise Him!
It seems that our forgiveness of others is the quandary. Remember Jesus said in the Sermon on the Mount "If you come to worship and remember that your brother has something against you…leave and first be reconciled."
Have you done that in the past and all was well? Or have you done that, and the brother would not be reconciled? The Bible is clear on the next steps: You take a couple of trusted people and try again, but if that does not work, talk to the whole church to get this worked out between you. Interesting that our Manual now lists these steps for churches. Have you seen or heard of a church doing that? Often, the problem continues and someone leaves the congregation. So this scenario comes back to us to forgive that one. Puzzling for sure.
The disciples were also puzzled, and Peter, after listening to Jesus talk about forgiveness and loving one another, went to Jesus - yes, leave it to Peter to be bold - and asked: “How many times must I forgive my brother?” Trying his best to cover the bases, Peter did something interesting: He knew that in Jewish Law a person was required to forgive a person 3 times. So Peter doubled that to 6 then added one more, to make the perfect number. So, how many times? Seven times? He expected Jesus’ praise but was not prepared for the answer.
“No, Peter, 70 x 7.” What does this mean - unending? Yes. That is also His answer to us today. Keep forgiving. Keep forgiving
But how? How can I do this?
Let’s pause to look at a definition of forgiveness. The best I have found is “make a conscious, deliberate decision to release feelings of resentment or vengeance toward a person or group who has harmed you.”
Let’s explore further. I know we forgive people constantly, but at times, there is that one person and act that we cannot forgive. Let’s talk about that for a moment:
- You have heard it said that “we must forgive and forget,” so “If you remember the wrong you haven’t’ forgiven.” Wrong! So wrong! At times the hurt is so, so bad we may have been scarred for life! Cannot forget! It may have changed your life! It is years back but seems like yesterday. Can you look back, and breathe a prayer for God to give grace so that in the remembering you do not seek revenge? He can do that for us.
- Here is something else curious. Often people think that once we have forgive, we can’t do anything besides play dead or be a doormat. In my pastoring years, I think of a woman who called me to take her to the shelter. Her husband had beaten her. I took her and prayed with her. About a week later she called again Why? Because he had beaten her again. When I asked why, she said, "Yes, I forgave him, so I went back." This is deadly on many levels. We must forgive, AND we MUST act in such situations. We MUST call the police, report the wrong, not in retaliation, we must move away from the situation.
- Today, brothers and sisters, forgive and act as needed. We have all heard of corrupt leadership in a church where the people say, “We forgave him,” and he continues on as their leader. NO!! This is wrong! We must forgive, and we must remove him from the role and situation so this cannot happen again. We must forgive and act!
Again, we say, I have forgiven this and this and this, but that one person I cannot forgive.
So how do I forgive? I have tried, but this situation/act was so bad, how can I forgive?
By God’s grace and His commandment, of course. Here is the great truth: I must forgive that one because I have been forgiven. You forgive because you have been forgiven.
I have been forgiven by Almighty God so, with His grace, I can forgive. I can remember without resentment or revenge, and leave it with our loving Lord.
- Rev. Annette Fraser is an NBC Adjunct Professor.