Advise in Adversity
The following is Godly advice given through an email: As I read your well written email, I’m so sorry to hear about all the family issues that you have been dealing with, and the feelings of rejection that you have experienced as a result. Unfortunately, and it’s sad to say, but true, I’ve learned over these many years, that it’s those who are closest to us, that can hurt us the most.
Listen, if anyone knows how it feels to be rejected, wounded, and hurt, it was our Lord Himself (Isa. 53:3,5) “He was despised and rejected by mankind, a man of suffering, and familiar with pain... Like one from whom people hide their faces, He was despised, and we held Him in low esteem. V.5 He was wounded for our transgressions, He was bruised for our iniquities. The chastisement for our peace was upon Him, And by His stripes we are healed.” Also, John 1:11 reminds us that “He came unto His own, and His own received Him not.”
If anyone knows about all the pain and suffering that that you have experienced, it’s Jesus. And you know what I have learned over these many years regarding situations like this? It’s not what people think, but rather what God knows, and we rest our case with Him!
Many years ago, I was asked to preach in a church that was so toxic. They had just voted their pastor out (a good man), and there was a power structure in the church board that caused a great deal of pain and devastation with that congregation. The church was split, right down the middle. Well, being a young evangelist at the time, filled with a lot of faith, I thought that God brought me there and that this revival could “turn the tide” and the church would be healed of all the division and strife. Well, guess what? Wrong!!! The first few services, I didn’t preach anything that was too threatening. However, when the Lord led me to preach on Gal. 5:19-21 (the acts of the sinful nature), it was a different story. And after this, you could just sense the opposition that took place.
After the “revival” (didn’t have one) was over, some friends of mine in that area contacted me and said that those folks that were the cause of all the trouble, were denigrating my reputation, and saying all kinds of things that just were not true. Well, I wanted to fly back to that church and confront those “leaders” and ask them how they could spread all those lies, and act the way they were acting, and say that they were Christian, when their witness was not like a follower of Christ at all.
So, I called the founder of Nazarene Bible College, Dr. G. B, Williamson, who was one of my professors, and, also, was like a personal mentor to me. Here’s what he said, “Gary, don’t go back there and do this, son.” And I said, “Dr. Williamson, they are slandering my reputation and my integrity. It’s wrong, and when it comes to my integrity, there are some things worth fighting for, and for me, this is one of them.” And he responded back and said, “Didn’t you come to me for my advice?” And I said, “yes.”
He said, “Ok, here it is. Gary, don’t overcome evil with evil, but overcome evil with good. Put a lie to their accusations by the validity of your testimony. Gary, there are going to be times when you are in the center of God’s Will, and people will take shots at you. But, you don’t have to vindicate yourself, because sooner or later, God will vindicate you.”
Well, I followed his advice, and you know what, it turned out just like Dr. G. B. said it would. It's a lesson learned that I embrace to this very day.
Not too long after this happened, one of my closest friends insisted that I read a book called “Search for Significance” by Robert McGee, Rapha Publishing. It deals with self- esteem and self–worth, and outside of the Bible itself, this book literally changed my life. I’ve read it through many times. I believe that you can get a copy on Amazon, and I truly believe that if you get it, you’ll see that our self-esteem and self-worth is not determined horizontally (with others) but rather vertically (between ourselves and God). It reminds us that if we are going to go through life trying to measure up to the expectations/approval of others, to establish our self-esteem and self-worth, well… good luck! It aint’ gonna happen! Our self-esteem and self-worth are established vertically between me and the Lord! And the bottom line is, if I have His smile of approval on my life, that’s really all that really matters! And I truly believe that if you embrace the principals in Dr. McGee’s book, it will give you victory over all these family issues. Again, it’s not what people think, but rather what God’s knows that really matters.
Dr. Gary Haines, NBC National Nazarene Recruiting Representative
Published: 06/08/2022
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